Wednesday, May 6, 2009

He Passed Away

May 6 2008

After a long working day; going on a tour with regional managers & all team members who i meet for the first time, presenting my role & how important it is for the team, going from H.O. to Marina to Avenues, having fun & smilling. After a long good working day I thought I should pass by granny - Dad's mom - and stay til dinner as usual...
It was 6pm when I got there, she looked pale, sad... I thought she wasn't feeling well since she has AZMA

Mie: What's wrong

Granny: Why did you come here!?
The question shocked me! she never asked and it felt weired!
Mie (joking): To say hi, you want me to go?! 5alas mat7ebouny?!
Granny: Why didnt go to Salwa*?!
Mie: Why would I go there?! Jedo & Tita** are both in Lebanon, Aunt Titi is at work, and sure Uncle 7amani is not there. Shall I stay with the shadows?!
Granny said nothing...
We watched the stupid turkish series on MBC (Sanawat El Thaya3) and stayed quite for a while; something was worried but I didnt know what until the phone rang...
Granny: Aloo.. Ahlan.. mno?!.. El 7amdilla.. AJERNA OO AJREK.. mashkour ma3 el salama.
Mie: WHO'S DEAD?! -I thought one of her uncles died because one was really sick; Allah y6awel b3umurhum-
Granny nervously: WHY DIDNT YOU GO TO SALWA?! I TOLD ... JEDO GHLOUM DIED!

...

Jedo Ghloum: is my grand father, my mother's dad.

* Salwa: His house
** Jedo & Tita: means Grand-pa & Grand-ma

...

I grabed my key, tried not to cry infront of the weak heart old woman, turned my car on, called cuppie & screamed: HE IS DIED! JEDO GHLOUM IS DEAD... WHY?! I dont KONW how i reached Salwa, i was crying all the way, divestated! I called my boss and cried telling her i need couble of days off and i cant go to any team gathering. I hang up, kept crying like a child! I was thinking of one thing: I didnt say "goodbye" before he travelled! How could i?!?!?!

Salwa... everyone was black, people grabbed me before i get in & said: Dont cry, your mom is not okay! dont breakdown!
I sat on the first chair i found, tears were falling.. thinking: When?! How?! Where?! Why?! And how did all these people know?! Does my brother who studys abroad know?! Akeed my couzins dont know yet because no one called or text messaged me?!
When cuppie came, i couldnt hold myself, i went out, breakdown, hugged her & cried saying: WHY DID HE DIE?! I DIDNT SAY GOODBYE?! WHY????
He died at 12:30 PM; I knew at 6:30 PM. I was the last member of the family to be informed & I still blame every family member for not telling mie!

Jedo Ghloum ... Words Are Never Enough
Jedo Ghloum is different. He was tall, big grand-pas' tummy, white hair, pointed noise, wide eyes a typical (3imy) man! What was very different, his voice tune! Sharp & loud, anyone would be shocked for that strong voice tune he had.
He was rised without a mother -died when she gave him birth- and his dad died i guess when he was 7 or nine years old. He had only one brother, A7mad who died 8 years ago. He had a small family.
Jedo Ghloum was able to be a great man & then build a great family; he did it from scratch! He travelled all around the world, and became friend with so many people. He married his love of his life, tita Kareema, in Lebanon 1958 and had five children one of them is my mom. He travels to Lebanon every year for 6 months! It was his yearly "getaway" he meet his old friends, play cards, drive around to buy some veges & fruits, walk in the village where his house is... He loved it & that's where he died.
Jedo Ghloum had a very special accent, because he travelled so much, he came up with his own language that used to crack us up! Imagine: Kuwaiti, English, Indian, Philipeness, Lebanon, Iranian & God knows! Mix them all in one language and you get Jedo Ghloum's language.

We would tease him for his name (Ghloum) because it sounds funny! When I grew up, he told me his mother gave him a She3y name though they are not because there was an old idea: If your kids die at birth, give a name from a different religious group & it will bliss him & live. Ofcourse he didnt believe in it because it's wrong saying: "If God wants me to live I will. But if he wants me to die I will even if they named me Jesus! But thats the way uneducated people think, we can't blame them".

Jedo Ghloum & Mie

I was the first grand daughter he had; I was special. He taught me to LOVE money, to always ask him for it & ask for more! Yet taught me how save for rainy days.

He was funny! Not only his language but also his ... things! Once, it was the weekly gathering at his place & we were in the living room watching Pussy Cat Dolls' "BOTTONS" when he came in, sat with us and when the song finished, he said with a tone: WHO CHANGED THE CHANNEL?! PUT THAT CHANNEL BACK!

He made us laugh, we still do when we remember but with a falling tear...

When V channel first launched in Kuwait, he would never let me watch it! Unless when I fool him & say: There is a new channel that shows the latest news! Channel 73! Must see!! When he turn to it, and V channel would show, he throws the remote near at mie & say: TGESEN 3ALAY YA KALBA! I laugh madly & do it again!

The funniest one on one story happened in Lebanon 2001 when i was 16; I was watching TV at our house there, he walked in with his angrey yet funny look & ...
Jedo Ghloum: Did you pray?!
Mie laying on a sofa: No..
Jedo Ghloum: Why?! Too pretty to pray ya princissa?!
Mie: I am pretty & a princissa, but that is not why! I cant, not feeling well!
Jedo Ghloum: You are good at nothing! all you do is stay late at night in one of your "7abarbash" friends and lay down all day then go to their place over and over!
Mie just nodded my head deciding to ignore him
Jedo Ghloum: Get yourself off the sofa & pray!
Mie: I told you I am sick
Tita Karema interferring: Leave her alone! she told you she is sick!
Jedo Ghloum ironicly: What kind of sickness prevents her from praying??
Mie mad angrey yalling: I GOT MY PERIOD! HAPPY??
Jedo Ghloum said nothing but smilled & walked away

He wasnt mean, I thought he was but I was wrong! He has the biggest & kinddest heart! Very .. No! Extremely generous with everyone & anyone. He never prevented his children or his wife from anything. Just because he didnt live the fancy life, it never meant that his family should not live it! He encouraged all his children to study & get bachlor degree even if it was from the States! He was very open minded but with normal limits & nothing was a must.

He loves Najwa Karam, went to some of her concerts, and when a song shows on TV he would turn up the volume.

It's been a year now...

His death was shocking because he was fine, he wasnt sick and he was happy.
It is a personal thing to mie because,, he is the first member of the family pass away. His death made mie realize the concept of death. Yes I believed in it, but I never felt how strange & sad it is until he died...
It shocked mie, and i remained shocked for a very long time
Maybe because of series "alerts" I had of him & ignored them?!
His death made me realize how quick & surprising death is; and life is too short to waste it on worthless things!
I paused & looked into my life, where I stand & what I want to be?! Action plan has to start right now!! And it did ...
I registered for my Masters Course then informed my parents about my acceptence, I quite my job & started looking for other oppertunities, I started this blog which I found pleasure in it, I believe in this: Life is too short to be wasted!
In the First Anniversary

Jedo Ghloum; in the first anniversary of your death i want you to know that I love you, will always pray for you, you left a huge space no one can fill, I still imagine that I will go to Salwa & see you sitting on your chair in the garden stearing at things, i still here your voice saying your signture "AHLAAAAN", I feel so happy when ever you visit my dreams telling me you are fine & let me hug you ... I am sorry for not saying "Goodbye" & hope you are happy whenever your soul passes by.


Yours,,
Mie Mie

اللهم ارحم موتنا وموتى جميع المسلمين يا أرحم الرحمين

Monday, April 27, 2009

Beyond The Eyes


Look into the eyes, not the eyes
Look what is beyond its seductive, strange, attractive color.. what can you see?!
If you can't get any further, then you are too blind to feel!
What is beyond its' beauty is life...
Everything balck and white...
and everything in between!
What you will see is a tear...
A smile after fear...
Strength & need!
If you looked into my eyes & beyond
You will find a world of wonders digged deep inside

...

Something is bothering mie lately.. actually it's been bothering mie since forever!
I hate it when people judge or under estimate you for the way you look! it is not fair!
It kills me when they decide to ignore your inside and focus on the outside!
I get really sad when they neglect a sad look or pretend to know so much that is not ture! Worse thing?! they force you to believe it is!
This is not for everyone you meet in your life, it is only for the ones we categorize them as special or different. But they turn us down...

Suffering No. 1: You Look Different! Sorry, but i was born with it

I remember when once my previous boss told mie -after only 3 months of working together: "I under estimate you! You look more clever than I thought! -- Because your look, I thought you are a spoiled girl who can't stand the pressure, you proved me worng."*
Thanks...
But why did he under estimated me?! He means by "Your Look" is being different than regular girls are...
Ok! I have a unique eye color & face figures, so many girls do, but what is my guilt to be born with such things?! I didn't choose that, I was born with it!
That comment was repeated over & over since universaty!
I ... don't like to be treated as a "Barbie" a pretty doll And that's it! I am not like that because it makes me feel dump, not human...
Situation like that make you feel bad about your self & it forced mie to do things I thought it was the right thing to do, just to stop that "Baribie" impression when someone sees me for the first time. But it wasn't the right thing...
Please!! Stop looking only at the outside of a person
You don't know how bad it feels!
* I worked in that company for two years, and I proved to him everyday that I am not "a spoiled girl who can't take the pressure".

Suffering No. Two: Smilling from the outside,, dying from the inside!

Can anyone explain how can some people ignore the sad look in your eyes?!
Is it possible that they can't see that you are going through a horrible time & you want a break from life?!
I believe this: some people are stupid! But NO ONE is too stupid to see something as clear as the sun! NO ONE is too blind to feel that you are not feeling okay!*
Why do they ignore your tear?! Even when you pretend the simle & wear "Little Miss Sunshine" on your face... No one can not see or feel that saddness beneth!
Why do they do it?!
Selfish?!
Malhum 5elg?!
Some people we trust do this: they ignore your pain, want to listen to their dramatic life and fix it! But when it is your turn to remove a burden on your chest, they walk away & turn their back on you!
Please!! Please!! Don't step on others pain...
Don't walk pretending they are "okay"...
* A blind person is not the one who lost his sight. But who lost the ability of feeling others.
Suffering No. 3: "I understand" WANA BE!!

This is the ironic part...
When someone pretend to understand the way you feel or
what you want to say; unfortunatly they really don't!
They insist they know you very well when you are having a rainy or a sunny day... But all they do or say shows they don't understand!!!
They say the worng thing -they always do- when this happens, they:
Turn your sunny day into a rainy day
Turn your rainy day into a stormy one!
Fab!! You Really Understood & Helpd Mie!!!

Bottom Line...

Look at people the way you want to be looked back
Never judge someone's ability because of their looks; they are born with it
Never pass by someone who is hiding their pain without tapping on their shoulder
Never EVER pretend to understand someone you know didn't! No one knows "everything" in "everything" because it is impossible; nothing to be shame of!
Never trust someone who can't seem to trust or understand themselves.. If they can't, how could they understand yours!?!?!
And always look beyond one's eyes; you will be mesmorized with what is inside!

P. S. The pic was breath taking; I couldn't resist it!

Mie Mie

Sunday, April 19, 2009

How Far Can You Go ?!


When it comes to love.. how far can you go to be satisfied?!

I heared, read, knew so many crazy, wild, pathitic, sweet things people do to avoid being alone, in the name of "LOVE"

Who haven't done anything to reach the level of happiness shared with someone else?!

We all did...

But what comes after that?! We all know the English saying "what goes up, has to come down" and this is excatly what happens with us, we feel down sooner or later

I think the main reason behind that is choosing the wrong person, partner, to enjoy a moment with...

Some people are simply .. JERKS! (HEHE) They neither let you enjoy a moment, nor make you happy for sharing a story with them! They are amazing when it comes to pull you down to their BAD MOOD or BAD DAY bottom when you just want to feel good! Or they are not there when you are having a bad day...
What to do?! You dont want to "double lose" .. So you wrap your dignity, lock it somewhere far for a while and pretend that "EVERYTHING IS FINE".. But it's not

You start pushing away your standards, lock away your pride and dignity, move on pretending that "THINGS ARE FINE", when your partner is up you are up, when they are down you are too.. Just like that endlessly

Why?! To avoid lonliness
To avoid lonely longlasting nights
To avoid long drive to anywhere
To avoid a morning when you stay in bed for hours feeling empty
To avoid the "SINGLE AND LOVIN IT" situation
To avoid feeling jealous when others talk about their HOT, AMAZING, EXSITING partner
and the list is sooo long!
To avoid all that, we rather be with someone than to be with no one...

I understand...
But my question is.. how long can you stand being with fools?!
How long can you handle cold like ice person?!
How long can you deal with their moody mood?!
How long can you deal with the "ignoring" situation?!
How long can you be there for others & barley get time for your self?!
... how far can you get to avoid being alone?! and always pretned -and we know we are pretneding- to be in love?!

Personally -just if anyone was wondering- and honestly, not much! I'm tierd of pretending when I dont have too and I am tired of fighting when nothing is worth too!
When ever i feel lonely, down -not depressed- or empty, i might get my nails done, shop, visit a friend, pass by granny, catch up with a friend -mostly cuppie ;*- sleep :D

For some people, that may be boring! But to Mie, it is better than being with someone who makes me feel less than who I am or should be!

AFTER ALL, YOU WANT TO SURROUND YOUR SELF WITH PEOPLE WHO take YOU HIGH, NOT drown YOU DOWN!

P.S. It's been a while, I know.. But I've been very busy and there wasn't enough inspiration to write about lately.
Thanks to everyone who passed by and left a comment, makes my day :)
I am proudly announcing, I AM BACK :D

Mie Mie