i love you

When things go badly wrong

To a point where it can't be fixed

Thus I start to lose my faith

I close my eyes, take a deep breath & say "WAIT!"

There is no life without hope

There is no hope without dreams

There are no dreams without believes

& there are no believes without faith!

I have faith in God

I believe in happy endings

I dreamed in meeting u

I hoped in finding u

& life made that come true!

If u r a living dream, it means so many other dreams can be real too, and you give me hope in life!

I love u for being in my life

I love u for giving me hope

I love u for being real

I love u for making me believe that no matter how harsh things can be; only strong faith can kiss any pain away!

i love you...

Mie Mie

A Woman Torn Apart -- 20

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People Who Torn Me Apart (1)
Waleed

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"Yuma 3aysha nezlay ta7at, el nas yaw"

Her tender soft voice came through the intercom of my room, where I was dressed up with simple light makeup and a long ligh gray dress with baby pink florals. Rawan and Maryoom were with me in the room to calm me down.



"Enshallah" I hang up and walk to the door.



"Don't worry, etha matabina gulay... mu meth6ara tjamliin!" Maryam said



I took a deep breath and said "yseer kheir, ymkn ykun ohwa nseeby! ly muta awagef nseby 3ashan wa7ed mu shareny"



Rawan just glared at me with a sad look, Maryoom stood quietly and i left the room.





Going to the hall-room from my room felt like the longest time ever! I felt every step, my heart was beating strongly and my hands were shaking, something from the inside screamed "DON'T! JUST STOP WHERE YOU ARE!...



"EVEN IF HE WASN'T A7MAD, HE IS NOT THE ONE! HE WILL TURN YOUR LIFE INTO AN ENDLESS HELL! YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT! YOUR EDUCATION, KNOWLEDGE, PERSONALITY! WHO THE HELL HE IS TO BLACKMAIL YOU!...



THIS IS NOT YOU! PLEASE STOP!" said my inner voice with despratness because I ignored it and went toward the hall room.





and I was SHOCKED! STUNNED! FROZED!





Every one stood up and my mum said "yuma salmay 3ala 5altch Om M7amad ...." all i can hear is BLA BLA BLA!





I was frozen in my place! Hessa -who was sitting next to mum and Dana - had to get up, walk toward me and gently pull me to greet the mother, two sisters and ... WALEED!





"mesta7ya bnayatna!" Dana said to break the ice as mum was anxiously smiling



i greeted the ladies, and immediatly sat down between mum and Hessa. My head was down, not because i was shy, but because i was exteremly shocked.



Waleed, who digged my passed controls my present and will draw my future, is the same man I met last year ... randomly!



They kept on talking, i didn't hear them, I circuled myself in a bubbles of wonders and shocks! Waleed, on the otherside, kept a focused straight eyes on me with a wicked smile. He knows excatly why i was stunned and he clearly can read my mind!



His mum and sister direct any question to me and i briefly answer: Yes / No / Enshallah / El 7amdilla.



Then my mum broke the ice and said "Yuma 3aysha, gumay weya Waleed ge3daw bel salon" his mum nudded agreeing and said "ee 5alihum yet3arfun 3ala ba3ath akthar" flashing me a smile.



I stood up and directed him to the other living room, it was across a short coridor there was no doors that seprated the two hall-rooms.



I rudly sat before him, he smile, sat on a facing sofa and said "shfeeha el 7elwa mnafsa?!"


I tried to control my tempers and said "mu mnafsa, Waleed bedun laf w dawarn, enta shtaby?!"


"afa! leish hal nafs el shena? w bser3a lega6ay esmy, ya qalbi ana ..."


I intrupted him "ana mu qalbk! Please 5alik sare7 w wathe7, ana 3eraft enta meno!"

"Ana el sha5es elly a7bch w shareech!" he teased with a soft low voice

"Enta elly ana radeta maretain min gabel! Mara fy Souq Sharg w mara 3end Jhonney! tathker wela athakrek?!" i was trying to tease him


"la athker, w geltely helegy, mesa7tay feny el arth! Oo haam 7abitch!"

"Shlun t7ebny w enta mat3arfny!"

"a3arfch ly daraja kafya t5aliny a7bch, w ra7 a7bch akthar lama tseren murty!" he said with confident

I got irritated, stood up and said "7elm eblees bel jana! mumkn tetfathal bedun ma6rud!"

He smiled and said "3endy kelmten, ge3day w sem3iihm!"

and before i say any word, he held my hands and pulled me down next to him! I was terrified, my jaw dropped and my eyes popped! i couldn't say a word!

"ana abeech bel 7alal, 3ala senat Allah w rasula... ely entay t7bena mayabch ela bel 7aram, lu y7bch mayertha rayal yjesech ghera! chan teqadamlch min zman.... bs ohwa mstans 3al wathe3 ely benkm..."

My eyes got tearful and i was shaking

"ana lama se2alat w 3eraft, shakeet ena ely benkum akbar min chethy w msawyeen shay ma3 ba3ath, bs ashwa ena entay wayed anthaf min chethy w ma9ar shay benkum... w haam ekteshaft wayed shaghlat 3ana entay matadriin 3anha, ma3ena sarlkm 6 snin ma3a ba3ath!"

He looked deeply into my eyes & said "ma aloomch, ohwa mesteghel 6ebtch w san3ech 3aref shlun y5ech 3anch ashya2 wayed!"

i finally got the strength to say "ashya2 methel shenu?"

"Sheftay el shalleh ely yru7la, hatha matra3 wesakha! Maskhara w sherb w... "

my eyes popped! "Sherb?! Khamer!"

"ee khamer! w banat 6ab3an!"

i couldn't believe what i was hearing! "enta chathaab!"

"twaqa3t! ana ma agul kalam min hawa, 3endy kel el adela, el mara el yaya lama neyee tshufenhum bs 3ala shar6!"

"shenu?!"

"etha 6ela3t saj, tetzwjeeny!"

Why is he forcing his love on me?! WHY!!!

I couldn't think, all i wanted is to see the evidence he mentioned! I immediately said "ok, mwafqa, w etha 6ela3at chathab, abiik te5tefy min 7ayaty!"

"tam!" He said with wide smile.

He stood up and nodded to leave the . I walk along with him when before getting near the ladies, he slowed down and leen toward me and said with a low voice

"deray balch min Saja, ehya mu el malak ely met5aylita!"

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To Be Contiued ... A Woman Torn Apart

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Mie Mie

A Woman Torn Apart 19

A week passed since I saw Amal at my cousin's reception.

Nothing special about this week, or any other weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds of my life... they are the same... aimless


It was 4:3o in a boring afternon when the door bell rang. I knew it was ....




"7amdillah 3al salamah" i said forcing a smile


"Allah ysalmch" he said kissing my cheeks

he dragged his trolli inside as I called the servant to take it to our room.

"shlun safrtk?"

"zaina, '3ayarna jaw .. "

i smell a hint on me , but i didnt comment.

"wein el yahal?!" he said while we sat on the sofas , on away from the other!

"Rana marat Jood khathat-ha tla3ebha ma3 3yalha, oo Khalood nayem" Jood is Walid's sister. Walid is my husband ;p

"zain tsawee Jood, wayed met3alga eb Rana oo mateb5al 3aliha bshay, ely tyeeba 7ag 3yalha tyeeba 7ag Rana" he said

i dont know why he always LOVES to remind me that he has a great loving family, and he has a great relationship with his younger sister; when he knows that I don't talk to the most beloved brother to me, Ghazi!

"Ee ya7lilha! Allah y5alilaha 3yalha w 3yalna" i said "taby terta7 aw asweelk shay?" trying to change the subject

"la badsh aqayel shway ... " he said standing up from the sofa and heading to our room "tabin shay!?"

"la salamtk... "

this is our life, or at least mine.
This is the man i married and will stay with for the rest of my life!
It is a life that has no color
Nothing special, not even me!
I know it is his punishment to me, for choosing A7mad on him.
He forced himself into my life, my family and now he is the life I get!
boring , unemotional , uncolorful life!

** May 2001 **

Few days after my mum told me some "catch" proposed, my mobile was ringing while i was driving back from work.
It was a strange no. 907####

I didn't answer the first time, but I did the FIFTH time!

"Na3am!?" i said in a sharp voice

" .... "

"alooooooooooooooooooooo?!?"

when a deep voice said " 3aysha?! "

who is he and how did he know my name! stalker?!

"mno ma3ay!?" i tried to keep myself calm and not show him how frighten i was!

"shlunch?!" he was calm and cool to freak me out more!

"etha magetly mno enta ra7 arga3 el kha6 bwayhk w a36y raqmk 7ag el maghfar!"

He exploded of laughing! really loud!

"Yuba 3a6ih raqmy 7ag oboch ba3ad, oo golila hatha Walid theba7ny w yabee yetzawajny!"

@@

I hang up immediatly! Some psycho calls and says his name with confidence and courage! MAYNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

He only sent an SMS saying " ya 7elwch lein tetwahgain! 3muman sogay brekada w ana aklmch gabel latgayleen "

And he knew when I took my nap! I was freaked out! When I reached home I switched off my mobile, had lunch and went to my room to sleep, called A7mad from my landline

"7abiby, ana banam w msakra jehazy, deg 3alay 3ala raqam dary etha taby shay"

"leish sakartay jehazch, 9ayer shay?!" he asked with a caring tone

"la, bs maly 5elg a7ad mn el dawam aw refjaty ydgun 3alay, ta3bana w aby anam" i said

"eeeeeh " he sounded suspecious! He felt something wrong, it was obvious from my disturbed voice

"enta shbetsawy?!" changing the subject

"el youm el arbi3a, raye7 el challet, msawyiin BBQ weya el shabab. Bs entay fech shay w mara7 tgulin ela lama t5alis el salfa aw tseer museba w ba3din tfaj2iny! nafs 7jabch!"

"uff wely y3afeek aby anam w maly 5elg nejra! enta bru7k 6angart w 5tefeet shahrain! shda3wa ana mate'3ayart 3ugub el 7jab!"

" bensba lech mate'3ayartay w entay mat7seen 3ala 3umrch! 3muman, el yum weekend w maby a5arb mazajy, w 6ab3an mazaj 7athrtch! ana ban6r w bashuf el balwa el yaya shenu! tabin shay?!" He said

"LA2!"

He said "bye!" in a very concerned voice! A7mad had this 6th sence, he knows when something is going to happen, and he was right about one thing, it was a "BALWA"!

10 minutes later, as i was slowly and calmly trying to sleep, the landline phone rang, i thought it was A7mad but ...

"alo?!" with a sleepy voice

"ana mu gaylch bakalmch gabel latnamiin?! shakly te2a5art 10 degayeg!" Walid said

"NA3AAAM???? ENTA SHLUN T3AREF HAL RAQAM?! W MEN WENLIK?! W .. W ..!" I stuttered! No one knows this number except My mom, Ghazi, 7essa, Rana, Maryoom and A7mad!

"ana bafahmch kel shay, bs entay haday... " he said with his calm deep voice

"SHLON AHDA W ENTA MADRY MNO BS T3AREF KEL SHAY 3ANY! KEL SHAY!!" my voice was shaking

"mu kel shay, bs ashya2 asasiya, ana aby a3aref kel shay 3anch .. w akthar ba3ad. bs mara7 atkalam lein ta5theen nesm w tehdain!"

something told me to go along with him, because anger and rage wont get me anywhere!

i sigh and said " tefathal ... "

" Dam fathlch yal '3alya, esmy Walid Al **** , 3umry 28 ashte'3l fy el Qwat el 5asa , 3askiry ya3ny oo ana adry ench mat7biin el 3asaker ... Entay esmch 3aysha Al **** , 3umrch 9ar 25 shahar February ely 6af , teshta'3lin fy Hay2at el Zera3a , merta7a hnak la2ena muderch raye7ch min el boma Marwa! 6al3atch bedat t5uf, rfejatch el grab ma3dudiin 3al asabi3 ... Shenu ba3ad t7biin t3arfiin?!"

I was STUNNED! How did he know and why?! Only close people knew these details, my birthday and work! How did he know?!

I gathered my strength and said "mashallah , msawy researches 3adel 3alay, mumkn a3aref shtaby?! "

"Salamtch yal '3alya, ee nseit agulch, entay be7jaab wayhch mnawer akthr mn gabel! 3einy 3alich barda, mazyuna! Ana aby atqadmlch , w abech bel 7alal , shgeltay?! "

" shlun awafeq w ana ma3arfk! "

" tabin tkalminy gabel?!"

"laa2 mu hathy qasdy! qasdy shlun awafeq atzawaj 3ala 6ul 3ala wa7ed ma3arfa?! ana mu bayra 3end ahaly! Oo etha taby leish ma5aleet omk edg 3ala omy!? akid t3aref raqam beitna!? Aslan ana metqademly wa7ed! "


" ana magelt zawaj , ana gelt aby atqadam , twafqiin 3ala hathy el 5e6wa?! 3ashan el walda matenrad , la2enha dagat bel fe3el oo omch maradat 3aliha 9arlkm youmin! " He shocked me!

" ana ... ana madry shagol! "

" 3aysha , entay bent ayaweed w ana min zman 5a6ry feech , wayed te3abt 3ashan a6ale3 kel hal ma3lumat 3anch , 3erft ench mu mal le3b ... Ana abeech bel 7alal , shary mu baye3! Aslan ana lu a3arfch min zman, chan al7in 3endna 5 yahal ! kel sena wa7ed ! Bs awal sena bedun yahel"

he released a sarcastic laugh, a laugh that made me realise he was hinting on my 6 years relationship with A7mad!

" ana bakhlich al7in , w bs atmana ma6awloun 3al walda... shufeny entay mu 5asrana shay" he said and i was quite!

"tamrin 3ala shay yal '3alya?!" I could feel his smiling face, as if he won a medal!

"la2, bye!" and i hanged the phone.

I couldn't sleep that afternoon, tose and turn in bed, flipping all the thoughts in my head and i didn't know who to call!
2 hours later, i found my legs drifting me down to the hall, i sat next to mum who was watching TV and said

"ana mwafqa, degay 3al mara 5alyon!"



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To Be Continued ... A Woman Torn Apart

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Mie Mie