Dear 2011 ... Exceed my Expectations

Are you ready to be the new year?! how excited are you to enter history when we write you down on our books, notes, letters, events ???

Well, i that's not what I'm writing you this letter!

Dear 2011,,,

Please be ... i don't know what words to begin with! Generious?! Kind?! Gracious?!

2010 was a year of blesses, challenges, and a lot of life determing decisions! It was supportive when I took a "life-changing" decision; no matter how hard that decision is! It proved to me that any decision i took, was the right one!

2010 made me outgoing! brought me back to me "rebillion" roots and help me stand up for my choices; no matter how crazy these choices were!

2010 was also generious in love; i guess Venus liked staying over at my heart maybe for its "great" hospitality! :p Or maybe because i stopped letting a chance of love pass by for "stupid-social" reasons!

2010 tought me that love goes beyond society, traditions, religion & boreders! The more one fight for a "two-sided love" the more one will gain from it! Gosh how 2010 love made me stronger, more mature, optimistic, determined & thankful for every moment I'm living on this planet! in other words, love made me happy ... I love you :)

2010 made me appreciate more the ones who appreciate me, especially at my worse! Its true i lost people in 2010, especially friends. But when someone leaves your life, be sure that they are leaving to give a space for better ones to be in your life :)

Dear 2011,,

Be as gracful as 2010 was... fill my days with joyful moments. But if you want to be mean & make me drop few tears, let it be for something worth it and reward me with something beautiful later!

Dear 2011,,

Be as generious as 2010 was... when it took something or someone, it granted me better ones! When it closed a door, it opened million doors! And when it ended something, it grant me the beginning of something amazing!

Dear 2011,,

I'm not asking you to be better than 2010; just be equal to it! Well, if you want to be better, I wont object! :)

Dear 2010... I love you, will miss you and will always be one of my favorite years!

I WANT!

More love! Let's say I'm a spoiled brat when it comes to love!

Show the world what I got in painting, photographing, travelling, reading and maybe writing!

Finish my studies & gradute!

Health and happiness amoung my family and friends

Perhaps ... a lovely 1 or 2 or 3 or 10 million KD ;p

Happy New Year Everyone ;*

Mie Mie

meet again?!

Are we or are we not?

Will we or will we not?

Hope? Miracle? Faith? Believe?

i don't know

what it will take

for us to be "happily ever after"?!

Is it fair?! I don't know what "fair" even means!

Does "fair" exist? I don't think so!

Who knew we will meet again?

Fall in love even deeper than before!

Who knew that this love

Will turn into my fairy tale,

and you will be my prince charming?

Who knew that your love

will revive my wildest dreams

unleash my craziest wishes

and work so hard on making them real

I don't know when will we meet again

It is one of my wishes

Which I am working so hard on making it happen, and who knows...

Maybe this time will meet, and stay together forever!

i love you

Mie Mie

Away ... But Never Gone!

Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

i know i know i've been away for a very long time! Apologize for that :/ but i didnt mean too! -well maybe a little ;p

As a form of an apology i have so many stories to share with everyone, juicy ones! Ready?!

1. The White Dress Dream... No! It isn't like The Dream

Its kind of hard to find a perfect match for marriage nowadays, blame it on stronger social education, women movements, globelazation... anything! Women nowadays are more independent and the older we get, the picker we are interms of choosing Mr. Right.

I'm one of those picky women, i look at every single detail when it comes to choosing Mr. Right, cause he is suppose to be Mr. Right, right?!

Short story: family arrangement, the son of my aunt's friend, freshly graduted from overseas, recently employeed in one of decent government places, highly educated, "broad-mineded", not bad looking, proper age and Taurus... what can I ask more?!

I insisted on an engegment, a long one -that wasn't very welcomed in my family- but i had every right to do so, i don't know the guy.. he doesnt know me as well... This was a condition before any move was to be taken and he was okay with it.

The engagment happened, everyone was happy that the rebellion girl was finally "almost" setteling down. Then things started to change...

"let's get married in two weeks!"

"YOU WERE THE HEAD OF MOSTAQILLA?! AND PROUD?! HUH"

"I maybe studies abroad, but Im very (sharqy) tradition in kuwait, westren abroad"

"Why dont you wear Hijab?! Cause I have the right to ask you too and you must obey me"

"change your job"

We would agree on something, i find out later that he agreed with his "mother" on something else! Claiming that I want it that way!

Things got dirty, ugly and nasty!

He made me feel like a cheap meat, someone who is there only to obey him and satisfy his sexual needs. (PERIOD)

When i was 100% sure that this was his idea and only reason of marriage, i canceled it all! Blow out my family's dream of "settling down" and his dream of being his "slave".

What did i gain?! extreme self-respect! I didnt comply with the society image of a "successful girl" who should be married and has a family. I didnt comply with saying ظل راجل ولا ظل حيطة which means its better to be with a husband than single! I'd rather stay single for the rest of my life than be a slave to a retirded man!

I also learnt to stick to my dreams, no matter how silly or impossible they seem to others! if i believe in them, they will happen.

In my family perspective, i'm still rebellion... never cared, still proud and always will be for who i am!

Marriage?! CLOSED TIL FURTHER NOTICE :)

Then came the getaway to Beirut... A summer to remember! Next Post :)

Mie Mie

i love you

When things go badly wrong

To a point where it can't be fixed

Thus I start to lose my faith

I close my eyes, take a deep breath & say "WAIT!"

There is no life without hope

There is no hope without dreams

There are no dreams without believes

& there are no believes without faith!

I have faith in God

I believe in happy endings

I dreamed in meeting u

I hoped in finding u

& life made that come true!

If u r a living dream, it means so many other dreams can be real too, and you give me hope in life!

I love u for being in my life

I love u for giving me hope

I love u for being real

I love u for making me believe that no matter how harsh things can be; only strong faith can kiss any pain away!

i love you...

Mie Mie

A Woman Torn Apart -- 20

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People Who Torn Me Apart (1)
Waleed

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"Yuma 3aysha nezlay ta7at, el nas yaw"

Her tender soft voice came through the intercom of my room, where I was dressed up with simple light makeup and a long ligh gray dress with baby pink florals. Rawan and Maryoom were with me in the room to calm me down.



"Enshallah" I hang up and walk to the door.



"Don't worry, etha matabina gulay... mu meth6ara tjamliin!" Maryam said



I took a deep breath and said "yseer kheir, ymkn ykun ohwa nseeby! ly muta awagef nseby 3ashan wa7ed mu shareny"



Rawan just glared at me with a sad look, Maryoom stood quietly and i left the room.





Going to the hall-room from my room felt like the longest time ever! I felt every step, my heart was beating strongly and my hands were shaking, something from the inside screamed "DON'T! JUST STOP WHERE YOU ARE!...



"EVEN IF HE WASN'T A7MAD, HE IS NOT THE ONE! HE WILL TURN YOUR LIFE INTO AN ENDLESS HELL! YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT! YOUR EDUCATION, KNOWLEDGE, PERSONALITY! WHO THE HELL HE IS TO BLACKMAIL YOU!...



THIS IS NOT YOU! PLEASE STOP!" said my inner voice with despratness because I ignored it and went toward the hall room.





and I was SHOCKED! STUNNED! FROZED!





Every one stood up and my mum said "yuma salmay 3ala 5altch Om M7amad ...." all i can hear is BLA BLA BLA!





I was frozen in my place! Hessa -who was sitting next to mum and Dana - had to get up, walk toward me and gently pull me to greet the mother, two sisters and ... WALEED!





"mesta7ya bnayatna!" Dana said to break the ice as mum was anxiously smiling



i greeted the ladies, and immediatly sat down between mum and Hessa. My head was down, not because i was shy, but because i was exteremly shocked.



Waleed, who digged my passed controls my present and will draw my future, is the same man I met last year ... randomly!



They kept on talking, i didn't hear them, I circuled myself in a bubbles of wonders and shocks! Waleed, on the otherside, kept a focused straight eyes on me with a wicked smile. He knows excatly why i was stunned and he clearly can read my mind!



His mum and sister direct any question to me and i briefly answer: Yes / No / Enshallah / El 7amdilla.



Then my mum broke the ice and said "Yuma 3aysha, gumay weya Waleed ge3daw bel salon" his mum nudded agreeing and said "ee 5alihum yet3arfun 3ala ba3ath akthar" flashing me a smile.



I stood up and directed him to the other living room, it was across a short coridor there was no doors that seprated the two hall-rooms.



I rudly sat before him, he smile, sat on a facing sofa and said "shfeeha el 7elwa mnafsa?!"


I tried to control my tempers and said "mu mnafsa, Waleed bedun laf w dawarn, enta shtaby?!"


"afa! leish hal nafs el shena? w bser3a lega6ay esmy, ya qalbi ana ..."


I intrupted him "ana mu qalbk! Please 5alik sare7 w wathe7, ana 3eraft enta meno!"

"Ana el sha5es elly a7bch w shareech!" he teased with a soft low voice

"Enta elly ana radeta maretain min gabel! Mara fy Souq Sharg w mara 3end Jhonney! tathker wela athakrek?!" i was trying to tease him


"la athker, w geltely helegy, mesa7tay feny el arth! Oo haam 7abitch!"

"Shlun t7ebny w enta mat3arfny!"

"a3arfch ly daraja kafya t5aliny a7bch, w ra7 a7bch akthar lama tseren murty!" he said with confident

I got irritated, stood up and said "7elm eblees bel jana! mumkn tetfathal bedun ma6rud!"

He smiled and said "3endy kelmten, ge3day w sem3iihm!"

and before i say any word, he held my hands and pulled me down next to him! I was terrified, my jaw dropped and my eyes popped! i couldn't say a word!

"ana abeech bel 7alal, 3ala senat Allah w rasula... ely entay t7bena mayabch ela bel 7aram, lu y7bch mayertha rayal yjesech ghera! chan teqadamlch min zman.... bs ohwa mstans 3al wathe3 ely benkm..."

My eyes got tearful and i was shaking

"ana lama se2alat w 3eraft, shakeet ena ely benkum akbar min chethy w msawyeen shay ma3 ba3ath, bs ashwa ena entay wayed anthaf min chethy w ma9ar shay benkum... w haam ekteshaft wayed shaghlat 3ana entay matadriin 3anha, ma3ena sarlkm 6 snin ma3a ba3ath!"

He looked deeply into my eyes & said "ma aloomch, ohwa mesteghel 6ebtch w san3ech 3aref shlun y5ech 3anch ashya2 wayed!"

i finally got the strength to say "ashya2 methel shenu?"

"Sheftay el shalleh ely yru7la, hatha matra3 wesakha! Maskhara w sherb w... "

my eyes popped! "Sherb?! Khamer!"

"ee khamer! w banat 6ab3an!"

i couldn't believe what i was hearing! "enta chathaab!"

"twaqa3t! ana ma agul kalam min hawa, 3endy kel el adela, el mara el yaya lama neyee tshufenhum bs 3ala shar6!"

"shenu?!"

"etha 6ela3t saj, tetzwjeeny!"

Why is he forcing his love on me?! WHY!!!

I couldn't think, all i wanted is to see the evidence he mentioned! I immediately said "ok, mwafqa, w etha 6ela3at chathab, abiik te5tefy min 7ayaty!"

"tam!" He said with wide smile.

He stood up and nodded to leave the . I walk along with him when before getting near the ladies, he slowed down and leen toward me and said with a low voice

"deray balch min Saja, ehya mu el malak ely met5aylita!"

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To Be Contiued ... A Woman Torn Apart

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Mie Mie

A Woman Torn Apart 19

A week passed since I saw Amal at my cousin's reception.

Nothing special about this week, or any other weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds of my life... they are the same... aimless


It was 4:3o in a boring afternon when the door bell rang. I knew it was ....




"7amdillah 3al salamah" i said forcing a smile


"Allah ysalmch" he said kissing my cheeks

he dragged his trolli inside as I called the servant to take it to our room.

"shlun safrtk?"

"zaina, '3ayarna jaw .. "

i smell a hint on me , but i didnt comment.

"wein el yahal?!" he said while we sat on the sofas , on away from the other!

"Rana marat Jood khathat-ha tla3ebha ma3 3yalha, oo Khalood nayem" Jood is Walid's sister. Walid is my husband ;p

"zain tsawee Jood, wayed met3alga eb Rana oo mateb5al 3aliha bshay, ely tyeeba 7ag 3yalha tyeeba 7ag Rana" he said

i dont know why he always LOVES to remind me that he has a great loving family, and he has a great relationship with his younger sister; when he knows that I don't talk to the most beloved brother to me, Ghazi!

"Ee ya7lilha! Allah y5alilaha 3yalha w 3yalna" i said "taby terta7 aw asweelk shay?" trying to change the subject

"la badsh aqayel shway ... " he said standing up from the sofa and heading to our room "tabin shay!?"

"la salamtk... "

this is our life, or at least mine.
This is the man i married and will stay with for the rest of my life!
It is a life that has no color
Nothing special, not even me!
I know it is his punishment to me, for choosing A7mad on him.
He forced himself into my life, my family and now he is the life I get!
boring , unemotional , uncolorful life!

** May 2001 **

Few days after my mum told me some "catch" proposed, my mobile was ringing while i was driving back from work.
It was a strange no. 907####

I didn't answer the first time, but I did the FIFTH time!

"Na3am!?" i said in a sharp voice

" .... "

"alooooooooooooooooooooo?!?"

when a deep voice said " 3aysha?! "

who is he and how did he know my name! stalker?!

"mno ma3ay!?" i tried to keep myself calm and not show him how frighten i was!

"shlunch?!" he was calm and cool to freak me out more!

"etha magetly mno enta ra7 arga3 el kha6 bwayhk w a36y raqmk 7ag el maghfar!"

He exploded of laughing! really loud!

"Yuba 3a6ih raqmy 7ag oboch ba3ad, oo golila hatha Walid theba7ny w yabee yetzawajny!"

@@

I hang up immediatly! Some psycho calls and says his name with confidence and courage! MAYNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

He only sent an SMS saying " ya 7elwch lein tetwahgain! 3muman sogay brekada w ana aklmch gabel latgayleen "

And he knew when I took my nap! I was freaked out! When I reached home I switched off my mobile, had lunch and went to my room to sleep, called A7mad from my landline

"7abiby, ana banam w msakra jehazy, deg 3alay 3ala raqam dary etha taby shay"

"leish sakartay jehazch, 9ayer shay?!" he asked with a caring tone

"la, bs maly 5elg a7ad mn el dawam aw refjaty ydgun 3alay, ta3bana w aby anam" i said

"eeeeeh " he sounded suspecious! He felt something wrong, it was obvious from my disturbed voice

"enta shbetsawy?!" changing the subject

"el youm el arbi3a, raye7 el challet, msawyiin BBQ weya el shabab. Bs entay fech shay w mara7 tgulin ela lama t5alis el salfa aw tseer museba w ba3din tfaj2iny! nafs 7jabch!"

"uff wely y3afeek aby anam w maly 5elg nejra! enta bru7k 6angart w 5tefeet shahrain! shda3wa ana mate'3ayart 3ugub el 7jab!"

" bensba lech mate'3ayartay w entay mat7seen 3ala 3umrch! 3muman, el yum weekend w maby a5arb mazajy, w 6ab3an mazaj 7athrtch! ana ban6r w bashuf el balwa el yaya shenu! tabin shay?!" He said

"LA2!"

He said "bye!" in a very concerned voice! A7mad had this 6th sence, he knows when something is going to happen, and he was right about one thing, it was a "BALWA"!

10 minutes later, as i was slowly and calmly trying to sleep, the landline phone rang, i thought it was A7mad but ...

"alo?!" with a sleepy voice

"ana mu gaylch bakalmch gabel latnamiin?! shakly te2a5art 10 degayeg!" Walid said

"NA3AAAM???? ENTA SHLUN T3AREF HAL RAQAM?! W MEN WENLIK?! W .. W ..!" I stuttered! No one knows this number except My mom, Ghazi, 7essa, Rana, Maryoom and A7mad!

"ana bafahmch kel shay, bs entay haday... " he said with his calm deep voice

"SHLON AHDA W ENTA MADRY MNO BS T3AREF KEL SHAY 3ANY! KEL SHAY!!" my voice was shaking

"mu kel shay, bs ashya2 asasiya, ana aby a3aref kel shay 3anch .. w akthar ba3ad. bs mara7 atkalam lein ta5theen nesm w tehdain!"

something told me to go along with him, because anger and rage wont get me anywhere!

i sigh and said " tefathal ... "

" Dam fathlch yal '3alya, esmy Walid Al **** , 3umry 28 ashte'3l fy el Qwat el 5asa , 3askiry ya3ny oo ana adry ench mat7biin el 3asaker ... Entay esmch 3aysha Al **** , 3umrch 9ar 25 shahar February ely 6af , teshta'3lin fy Hay2at el Zera3a , merta7a hnak la2ena muderch raye7ch min el boma Marwa! 6al3atch bedat t5uf, rfejatch el grab ma3dudiin 3al asabi3 ... Shenu ba3ad t7biin t3arfiin?!"

I was STUNNED! How did he know and why?! Only close people knew these details, my birthday and work! How did he know?!

I gathered my strength and said "mashallah , msawy researches 3adel 3alay, mumkn a3aref shtaby?! "

"Salamtch yal '3alya, ee nseit agulch, entay be7jaab wayhch mnawer akthr mn gabel! 3einy 3alich barda, mazyuna! Ana aby atqadmlch , w abech bel 7alal , shgeltay?! "

" shlun awafeq w ana ma3arfk! "

" tabin tkalminy gabel?!"

"laa2 mu hathy qasdy! qasdy shlun awafeq atzawaj 3ala 6ul 3ala wa7ed ma3arfa?! ana mu bayra 3end ahaly! Oo etha taby leish ma5aleet omk edg 3ala omy!? akid t3aref raqam beitna!? Aslan ana metqademly wa7ed! "


" ana magelt zawaj , ana gelt aby atqadam , twafqiin 3ala hathy el 5e6wa?! 3ashan el walda matenrad , la2enha dagat bel fe3el oo omch maradat 3aliha 9arlkm youmin! " He shocked me!

" ana ... ana madry shagol! "

" 3aysha , entay bent ayaweed w ana min zman 5a6ry feech , wayed te3abt 3ashan a6ale3 kel hal ma3lumat 3anch , 3erft ench mu mal le3b ... Ana abeech bel 7alal , shary mu baye3! Aslan ana lu a3arfch min zman, chan al7in 3endna 5 yahal ! kel sena wa7ed ! Bs awal sena bedun yahel"

he released a sarcastic laugh, a laugh that made me realise he was hinting on my 6 years relationship with A7mad!

" ana bakhlich al7in , w bs atmana ma6awloun 3al walda... shufeny entay mu 5asrana shay" he said and i was quite!

"tamrin 3ala shay yal '3alya?!" I could feel his smiling face, as if he won a medal!

"la2, bye!" and i hanged the phone.

I couldn't sleep that afternoon, tose and turn in bed, flipping all the thoughts in my head and i didn't know who to call!
2 hours later, i found my legs drifting me down to the hall, i sat next to mum who was watching TV and said

"ana mwafqa, degay 3al mara 5alyon!"



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To Be Continued ... A Woman Torn Apart

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Mie Mie

I Am A Free Soul

“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage" Thucydides quote

“Anger is never without a reason. But seldom with a good one" Benjamin Franklin

...

A rush or blood floods through my veins
while blood pressure rises!
Everything in my inner and outer system screams
out and loud
fighting for my right of freedom
in everything i deside!

Stop right there!
Who gave you the right?!
To judge me wrongly
rudly and loudly!

Who told you that
screaming in my ears will make me bow to your demands!
I am not claiming that I am prefect
unsinable!
But I reached a stage of life, and age, where I can clearly figure what's wrong,
and what is right!

Anger and rage never solved any "case"
Especially with mie!
Anger and rage causes all damages, hurt and pain
Not only to my heart, but also my ears and brain!

I will make it clear
I don't like drama, hurt & pain
And you have to accept that...

I am a free soul, and that's how I am meant to be!

So don't use a tone with me
Nor demad with rage
It will only make mie stubborun
and that is the last thing you want to face!



Mie Mie

* sigh *

When ever I remember

a wide smile finds its way

a cheerful chill invades my being

and a * sigh *

I miss you

That's all I can say

Our time, talks, stares...

I recall all that and I * sigh *

Deep breath,

Glare at the space,

Then a smile finds its way,

through my boring day,

and of course my ever lasting lonely nights....

* sigh *

Mie Mie

Unfound Piece of Broken Heart

Pieces of a broken heart

gathered together at last

But one piece remains

unfound between my happiness, and grief!

Bitter sweet reality ... your voice still tickels my everything

Yet, reminds me of the remaining broken heart peice

which, only you have!

I never knew the secert behind the big love i grant you

and my heart i unconditionally gave you

or memories i shared with you

And I still don't know, how you can simply, change my life upside down!

From sad to happy ... helpless to energized ...

From Mie ,,, to You!

It's been a long time, and I guess the gathered peices adjusted to the reality you

demanded!

But the one remaining peice, that completes the picture of my broken heart, still wants to believe

There might be a slight hope of a reality shock,

From You to Mie

and we could once again be ,,, ( ) anything you demand my dear!

V-Day ... The Good, The Bad and the Ugly!

I stopped celebrating V-day in 2002 -i love that year! Because first, all my V-gifts were from my friends -i love you, no offense! But i exepected MALE gifts ;p- And Second, i realized that I don't want to be loved ONE day every year, I want to be loved EVERYDAY for no occasions; all years!

EEEEEE! I'M GREEDY IN LOVE!


V-day with Mie; we both have good memories, and bad ones as well! I'm sharing few ;*

The Good One:

I remember the first V-gift i recieved that year; it was from my younger sister, Manar, who bought me a stuffed white pony with wings, and a cute red card!



I told her: thanks, but you know what would make Mie happier?!
My 8 yrs old sister -back then! - wondered: what?!
I said: if you surprise me with a gift not on V-day!
She was quite for a while then asked: i know your favorate chocolate, can chocolate be gifts?!
With a wide smile I said: the perfect gift!

-e7m! ya3ny ana el kbira ;p

I still have her pony on my bed, and Manar -who is now 15 yrs old- still surprise me with Galaxy Chocolates every now and then :*

The Bad One:

The Massacre of my heart was 3 days after one of the V-days! No wonder i didn't get any roses on that V-day ;pPp

The Ugly ... Ma7ad Ugly ela Satan! ;)

One tip about V-day in Kuwait:
Please don't bother celebrating!!! MOI will make your life a living hell -el 7amdilla it never happened to Mie; mu min kether el Valentinos elly 3eraft-hum ;p ! Heard terrible stories :(
Make your V-day min 1 feb to 13 feb ; all shops are red already ;)

To all lovers on this planet and in my beloved country Kuwait: Happy V-day :*

To all single ones: Happy Independence day; may we stay "independent" if we never find our "perfect" match! :*

To everyone: may all your days be filled with ...

Red Roses, symbol of love

boxes of chocolate, symbol of desire

and ...

Endless LOVE & ROMANCE like The NoteBook Movie!

Love you all ;*

P.S. In case anyone is interested, I want an "EDWARD" love! ;p

Mie Mie

Best Read Post for this Week (Politics)

Sarcastically true! Must Read!


http://kuwait61.blogspot.com/2010/01/blog-post.html


What's going in Kuwait and BEYOND!


Speaking about Kuwait, have you heard about the "Silk City"?!


http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2008/jul/23/oilandgascompanies.architecture
http://www.madinat-al-hareer.com/
http://www.kwtfuture.com/vb/t529.html

Another evidence of (Louder Talks; Zero Action) in Kuwait!

Mie Mie

Grammy VS Oscar 2010

I am disappointed From the Grammy's!

How come Lady GAGA got only 2 awards?! she is a phenomena! In fact, she is phenomenal!

Hatha el kalam mayjooz ya sadat 7ukam el Grammy!

She was only awarded (Best Dance Recording) in Poker Face video and (Best Electronic/Dance Album) for The Fame.

Satisfying, but not enough! Enshallah next year she will gather more award, including Best Female Pop Vocal Performance


"Free yourself, and believe in it no matter what" ~~ Lady GaGa on Oprah
also check: http://www.greatpersonalities.com/lady-gaga/index.htm

~~The Oscar 2010~~

My Huby is nominated for an Oscar on his role in "Up In The Air"
http://oscar.go.com/

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3ad ra7 a3a9eb if he didn't win! SO OSCAR PEOPLE, please award my Huby Georgie!

Mie Mie

Why I'm Not Blogging?! Or Living?!!

I am not living the life i want! This Master studies is taking all my time, and maybe life! and it is just Masters... 3ayal PHD shloon?!

Maybe my supervisor is giving me a hard time; or maybe it's me! I even thought of quiting, changing, blowing it ... COMMIT SUICIDE! hehe bs Akhaf Allah :(

It all started in October 2009; when I went to register the Subject of my study and took the initiative to submit the proposal of the subject.

My supervisor was impressed because I gave him the proposal, and "hinted" a GO AHEAD. I started digging and digging for sources and a case study ... bla bla bla

In November, I traveled to Bahrain to update him on what I reached in my "digging" But I was shocked from his "generous" side that I have to change the proposal, and wait for a Committe to approve it! I was stunned, shocked and sad! I litrally wasted 1 and a half month of my life digging for something that my supervisor didn't bother to inform me "it is canceled!"

Wayed zain!

Because I am a flexible person, I changed the proposal 3 times to a subject that I deeply think it is "stupid" but I didn't share this thought with him cz:

1. he is the head of the department

2. i had enough changing and urguing for something when he keeps refusing it!

After submitting the 3rd "5re6y" part in December, i waited for a Committe of Professors to discuss it with me then approve it. For my surprise, the Committe didn't need my attendence, and -again- my supervisor didnt bother informing me! I had to find out when I traveled to Bahrain!

Add to that my personal day to day drama -im sure we all have it!- I decided not to write it until January 2010 ... ejaza bkefy!

Jan = Submit Chapter One

Mar = Submit Chapter two

May or maybe April = Submit Chapter three -the final chapter

It's end of Jan, I honestly finished 70% of Chapter One! Why?! HMMMM:

1. i feel frustrated from the study

2. a friend of mine asked me a question about my study and I couldnt answer!

3. Today, i sat with another professor who pointed out the "stupid" parts in my study which made me realise that I am not convinced enough to defend it!

4. I had something more importent life changing decision to take that took over my mind for 5 months, and I had to come with an end to it! hehe and I did ;p

El muhem!

I don't know what to do, i really believe that it is a good subject to study, and I want to change the stupid parts of it. But I am really concerned with my "na7ees" supervisor -well he isn't na7ees, he is Stubborn! Which is giving me a hard time :(

I want to write him an email and explain why I changed the stupid parts, because i honestly think they are stupid! I also want to tell him to stop arguing in useless topics which makes me feel more lost!

Wallah it is driving me crazy :( Shasawee?!

P.S. Some people at work ... sa5efiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin! Oo el mafrooth, el mafrooth, they are "men"! 6al !

Mie Mie

A Woman Torn Apart -- 18

I went out from the hair dress around 5:30 and rushed home; i did a simple hair style something like...

hope you liked it ;p

Anyways, i got my self done as soon as I reached my mom's house; soft make up and wore my outfit, put my A'abaya and shela waiting for 7essa.

I remeber the day I decided to wear Hijab; It was March 19 2001! I shocked everyone with my decision including Maryoom, who never thought it would happen.

I took my decision after going to Haaj, attended religious courses and studies Qur'an. Because I suddenly felt I need to strengthen my relation in religion.

A7mad, back then, didn't like my religious range. He was always the libral guy who never thought of religion as something essential in ones life... So when I took the decision of wearing it, he got very upset and that's when all our big problems started...

**Flash back**

March 2001

"na3am!"

"ana te7ajabt!"

"shenoo ya3nee?!!"

"ya3ny te7ajabt!"

Moments of long silence then he exploded ..

"ENTAY BETYANINIINY! DAYMAN TET9ARFIIN 3ALA KEFCH!? ANA MU GAYEL ENY MA ABIICH TET7AJBIN OO 3AJEBNY SHAKLICH CHETHY?! LEISH T3ANDIIN LEEEEEISH!?!"

"hatha el qarar beny oo bein Raby, oo enta malik she'3el! Mu 3ers or safra ana aby aroo7laha 3ashan asta2thn menk! Hatha shar3 Allah... oo enta malek ay 7ag enk tkalmny chethy fy hatha el mawthoo3!"

"Maly 7ag?!"

"La2!"

"Akeed!!"

"EE A7mad akeed; 7eta lu kent raylee chan masta2thant mnk!"

"mashy!" then he hang the phone; disappeared for a long while, long enough to make me decide to be with someone else!

****

7essa picked me up around 7PM and we won't to my cousin's Reception in Nuzha.

It was crowded but very classy! Fara7, my cousin, took care of every detail! The lighting, food, drinks! Everything!!! The theme was vintage pink, white and light green. It was an outdoor reception for giving the birth for her new baby girl.

We sat on a tabel where 3 of our cousins were sitting; we chated, gossiped, laughed and recalled good old days :)

When it was dinner time, there was an open buffiet where everyone went to it.. I waited untill the crowd becomes less.

"Yalla gumay 7u6iilch shay!" 7essa said as she just sat on the table

"bs te5uf el za7ma!" i replied

"al7ien maku a7ad! Yalla 3aysheen shenu mu yu3ana!?"

I looked at the buffiet section, there wasn't much people. "Okay kany bagoom, ayeeblch shay?!" I asked

"la2 mashkoora!"

I walked toward the buffiet, and started putting some food to eat when someone from my back asked ...

"3aysha?!"

I turned arround and it was .... i expected anyone on earth but her!

With wide open eyes I said "Amal!" ... She is A7mad's younger sister!

She placed her plate on the buffiet table and hugged me! I was mesmerized!

"asfa adry ench tabin takliin! bs b9ata7a magedart!" She said with happiness pouring from her eyes!

"la 3ady .. a9lan ana .. "

"please ge3day ma3ay! Aby asulf ma3ach!" she urged!

I couldn't think of my food, i took my plate, my million questions and followed her to a tabel where no one was sitting on it

"Shloonch oo sha5barch?!" She asked

"Ana zaina, entay shloonch?!"

"el 7amdillah, tezawajt gabel 6 months oo el 7ayat mashya" drawing a big smile on her face

I was happy for her! "Mashallah! maderait, bs shaklich merta7a... Allah ytamem 3alich"

"Ajma3iin, oo entay kan 3ndch bnt ... shesemha?! Rana! Sa7?!"

"ee! oo al7in 3endy Khalid ba3ad 3umra 4 months" i said

"Mashallaaaaaaah! mu mbayin!" she excitely said!

"shloon el dinya etdoor ... gabel 3 years eltgeena awal mara, tathkriin?! Lama sawoony mersal '3aram 3ashan t-hawnin 3an el zawaj! Oo al7in entay Om 3yal" Amal said

"EE ... " i didn't know what to say.


"3aysha ..." looking deeply into my eyes "latefhmeny '3ala6 bs A7mad wayed ta3ban! mekte2eb! dayman yesra7 oo ma nadry 3anah! Omy wayed 5ayfa 3alih oo ohwa ... "

I interrupted "Amal, Okhooch ba3ny ber5ees! Ana youm getla batzawaj galy mategdriin, getla ok ta3al bs 9arlena 6 sniin ma3 ba3th, galy laa ana wla '3ery ya5thch!"

"Bs ohwa ... ma kan bwa3ya oo dalil ena dazny akalmch!" She sadly said

"Ohwa kan sakran! Wa7da min million mushkela ma5alatna netzawaj!" I angrily replied

She was speechles, put her down apperantly ashamed from the awful truth about her brother, the love of my life!

"Amal.. entay sheftay sh9ar feny, oo kentay tgolinly ena A7mad '3aby la2ena 3amalny chethy... Ana makent aby akhaly bs ohwa ma5alaly ay 7al!" I sadly said.

"ref3ay rasch, '3al6at okhooch ohwa yt7amela! Entay el 7amdillah tezawajtay oo mashya b6reejch ... please ana a3tebrch methel ekhty oo mayhoon 3alay ashufch chethy!"

She smiled and said "entay a9lan wayeed 3alih! mumkn a5eth raqmch el ydid?! adry '3ayarty 3ashan A7mad bs wa3ad ma a36iih el raqam, oo etha sawet-ha saway feny ely tabina! edliin betna sa7?!" wincked!

"haha! Okay,, ana ba36eech el raqam la2ench we3adteny oo ana atheq feech! Bs please remember eny happily married oo ma aby ay shay y5areb 3alay..." I had to make it clear

We exchanged numbers, I excused myself and went back to 7essa. We greeted Fara7 as we were going out, and we left the reception around 9:30 PM.

I picked my kids from my Mom's house, left home, prepared and let Rana and Khalid sleep, had a shower and finally dipped myself into bed.

I knew Amal was going to tell A7mad that she saw me, so I had to lie about my "happily married" part to tease him, maybe.

I recalled the night I found out that A7mad drinks Alchohol; it was bittering, hurtful and I felt betraied! 6 years he kept such secerte from me, what else could he hide?!

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To Be Continued ... A Woman Torn Apart

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Mie Mie

A Woman Torn Apart -- 17

7essa left around 12:30 to pick up her kids. Oh! they are no longer "kids"! If you remember, 7essa had Rawan, Rashed, Ranad & Rshood. Rashed is now 16, Ranad & Rshood (twin) are 14. She was picking up Ranad from her high school, while the boys study in the same school.

Rawan, my favorate nise, is now 19 and she is studying in USA. She got a scholarship in 2002 after her graduation and went to study International Affairs. 7essa didn't approve nor accepted her first child to study abroad, but Othman, my dad, Ghazi and I convinced her to have a different new challenging life. She left in August, i gave birth to my baby Rana in December that year.

i know what you guys are thinking, we love names that begins with letter R ;)

i went to the kitchen to prepare luch for Rana and I before baby Khalid wakes up and disturbs up with his crying! My husband, Walid, is in Eygpt with his friends for a 10 days "vacation from work stress" and I am sure from me too! Honestly, i feel much better when he isn't arround.

I made some delicious penne pasta with brocoli, parmisian cheese and white sauce. Rana helped in preparing the dinning table, plates, forks, knife, and napkins... We started eating

"mama ..." Rana said while we were eating

"Na3am mama?!"

"benroo7 3end mama Mu'9y?!" she asked

"ee bs mu al7in, ana baru7 ma3 5altch 7essa oo entay ta5thin Khalood oo tru7un 3end mama Mu'9y" i answered

"shlun aroo7?! ana ma3endy sayara!" She wondered

"ana awadeech ba3din aru7 ma3 5alty 7essa"

"oo kalid?!" she asked

"kalid!" i laughed "hindia entay?! KHALID beyroo7 ma3ach" i said

And just when we were about to continue our food, Khalid's cry from the (Baby crying machine) came out loud! So i didn't complete my lunch, and rushed to his room.


Introducing my 2nd baby, Khalid... he was born in on the 28 of Feb. 2004, just two days after my second Anniversary. he is now 4 months old... While Rana looks like her dad, Khalid looks so much like ... Ghazi my brother!


I feed Khalid, changed his dippers and got him the Living room on his chair to stay with Rana, while the servant just finished washing the dishes. I spent some times with the kids and watched TV

Time fly so quick; it was almost 4 and i totally forgot about my cousin's reception! I asked the servant to change for the kids and I rushed to my room to get ready... I got out a mid length silk baby pink skirt with it's lace sleeves shirt and a see through colored pullover jacket.

After my quick shower, I called mum to tell her I am dropping my kids, then called my hairdresser and said "i want a nice quick hairstyle, coming in 15 minutes!".

Took my kids, the sevant and drove to my mother's place, wearing my Aabaya and shilah!

Yes, i wore 7ijab in March 2001 it was a sudden decision that no one expected! Of course my parents were happy for it, as well as my sisters... The only one who refused it was Ghazi, who i haven't talked to since December 2001!


>> December 2001 <<

"Enta shloon tesma7 7ag nafsk teda5al fee 5sosiyatee oo testa'3felny!?" i yelled

"lat 9ar5iin! ana O5ooch akbar mnch oo lazem te7tarmeny!" Ghazy said

"Ay e7teram?! enta 5aliit feha e7teraam?! Met3arefly 3ala wa7da ma adry min wein oo m5aliha t7u6 3einha 3alay bel dawam, oo tetgarab meny besem el Sadaqa 3ashan twa9ilk a5bary awal bawal?!! Shloon chethy tsawee!!"

"Entay leish mu rathya t9adgiin ena el salfa kelaha 9arat 9udfa?! Ana a3arefha gabel latroo7in el Hay2a oo gabel latetwathfiin fee nafs el qsm!" His voice got higher "oo ma7ad kan yabee ysta'3felch oo el bnt magalt ela kel 5eir 3anch?!"

"kel 5eir!" i said sarcastically "akeed betgoolk 3any kel 5eir la2enha kanat rasma 3alik ya Ghazi!!" I said looking staright into his eyes with mine full with anger and disappointment!

We were fighting in the living room, Mum came quick from the Kitchen hearing the arrguments and interfered "shsalfa?! shfeekom!!"

"Se2alay weldch!! El mu7taram!" pointing at Ghazi

"Ana mu7taram '3asben 3alich!" He screamed!

"lu mu7taram chan ma7a6iit wa7da tetlazag feny 3ashan tetgarab mnik!"

"Wa7da!?" Mum wondered "Meno hathy!?!"

As i was about to say her name, Ghazi screamed "3AYSHA!" hinting not to say another word!

"Saja!" I screamed her name out of anger

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To Be Continued ... A Woman Torn Apart

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Mie Mie